Sunday, November 28, 2010

Bells Ringing?

After a major accomplishment, life change or even a spectacular failure... doesn't it seem like there should be bells ringing? Or at least a little chime? I get a "bing" for just receiving new email. Seems like there should be something to signal a major completion. I really wanted to write something about finishing the book... but I still have some editing to complete. I wanted to write about finishing my divorce - the papers are all signed and he moved out his stuff this weekend. And other things too. But it is hard to know when something is truly finished.

I just spent three days at my dad's in Massachusetts with my kids, so that my ex could move out all his stuff. I brought the kids to his house, just now, and drove home. I passed four deer watching me from the creepy forest with glowing eyes. Came home to a house that was freezing cold and partially empty. Not completely empty. Just sections. Weird. My impulse to cry warred with my determination to put an "exciting opportunity" spin on the whole thing. These are now my walls. I could repaint! I could move furniture.... (I don't have time!?) I kept saying..."Ok, that's done now. He's out. Finished. On to the next thing." Then I saw the lists of all the stuff he had taken... and all the marks to indicate items he had NOT taken. Meaning... he's coming back for more. It's not done yet. I guess that explains why I didn't hear any bell, right?

It just occurred to me that I had written "Came home to a house that was freezing cold..." and my hands really ARE freezing. So I looked at the thermostat and it says "57", but is set to "67". That's NOT good. It's like when you take your car in for a check up - and ten things break the next day.

If my life were a movie... there would be some music playing... a theme song? Then I'd scream and run off to Tuscany and buy an old villa. In reality... Oh - there's a bell!.... just the phone. It's the heating guy telling me that the he put ten gallons in the tank last night and it shouldn't have run out already. What?! Does he think I DRANK it or something?! I haven't even been home. "I guess you want me to drive out there again?" No, let's let the pipes freeze so this drama is complete. Egads - I am becoming a silent sarcastic. Turns out, the house was freezing cold yesterday too. While my ex was moving his stuff. He finally noticed at night and called my mother who called the heating people. She was here til after midnight because it was a Saturday night and the repair guy had to come from an hour away - at extra cost. The oil had run out. But I have a contract. No explanation. And the pressure in the furnace was at explosion level... so it was a GOOD thing the oil ran out. So he repaired it. At extra cost. And now, I guess, we will repeat the process tonight. What I really want to do (besides running away to Tuscany) is curl up with popcorn, cocoa and the Roku (sulk a little) and escape my own head.
 My darling mother just came over to help me sulk. As I read her that last line, she says, "But you couldn't make popcorn anyway. Microwave is gone. And no cocoa. Teapot is gone." Thanks mom. The couch is gone too, but the Roku is still here...

I could not think of a word to sum up my feelings today. Other than AAAAAAARGH!

15 comments:

  1. I will go AAAAAARGH with you Sandy, I hope that good bit of venting helps you feel better. We certainly need to get all that stuff out. Have fun with the walls! I am sending you a huge hug from across the ocean!

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  2. An ironic update on my furnace: the heating guy put in ANOTHER 10 gallons. Yesterday's should have lasted until Monday, but it had extra heating up to do. The ex had doors open while moving (on both days), which made it hard for the furnace to bring the temp back up from almost-frozen. So, 10 gallons in less than 24 hours, plus 10 more today, plus two after-hours weekend house calls... I wish I could bill that man!

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  3. At least you're finding humor in the situation - that's always a GOOD thing! But, every one of these "tests" are showing you how strong you really are. Keep your chin up - you're bigger than all of this!

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  4. OHHH I have been where you are. It has been 9 years now !! I know your pain and feelings of wanting to throw things. Hang in there though, it gets better. Go do some "tangles" and curl up with a fuzzy blanket. Thinking of you, and glad you felt you could vent here with "friends"

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  5. The universe does seem to like kicking people when they are down. But you are strong, so I know you'll keep kicking back.

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  6. Tough times at the moment Sandy. I'm sorry you are going through this.I can't believe someone would take the teapot!!
    Your Totally Tangles book is becoming my most referred-to book at the moment.I can't wait until your next one.How stressful to be writing it while all this has been going on. I admire your "spirit".Your ex must be MAD to give a sweetheart like you!!

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  7. Just remember it will get better! When I went through something similiar my mantra was: This too shall pass. Try it, it works. Big hugs to you.

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  8. All I wanted to say big hug .....
    This is one off those things you need to get true ....sadly .
    Nat

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  9. Sandy... I've been reading Glyphs and Glitches so I had no idea until Jenn told me... I'm still in shock I think... I hope the dust settles soon...

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  10. Well at least you don't have to clean the microwave! I wish someone would take mine.... Then I could get a new clean one. (You know I'm sympathetic and just trying to get a laugh, right? Or at least a crooked half-smile.)

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  11. That is very true - that microwave was really old and the light has been broken for years. I went out that very night (I was DETERMINED to have popcorn!) and took the one from The Belfry (my studio). My advice for anyone else in this situation... you can get a good microwave at Target for about $30! (Teapots cost more).

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  12. Hi Sandy, sorry about the tough times. We haven't met, but I hope we will in the fullness of time. Meanwhile, I'm sending you cyberhugs. Hang in there!

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  13. I got your Totally Tangled book yesterday and it is now one of my 'Special Needs' self help book for me. Please now that you are blessed with special gifts that reach around the world. Our personal woes and achievements, both good and bad, are what makes us the special people & who we are. Take this time for yourself and grieve and be sad. Remember there is a flip side to this. Have you ever had a photo in a frame and just wasn't pleased with the way it looked and it made you feel ho-hum. Think of this experience as finding a new frame and seeing the picture in a whole new light.

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  14. Sandy? What is the publisher's issue with the cover? what do you have for the cover?

    So I'm not imaging of just reading about a new book. I'm excited!

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  15. I read an earlier post where you were finishing up your book and you said you had too much and were thinking of taking out some of your own designs. Or maybe doing two books. If you're still in that situation- feel free to take out mine- keep your own in. I'll certainly understand.
    Good luck with all the other things.

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